Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize