i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
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