You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
