So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize