she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
