Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
