This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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