So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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