i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
