; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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