sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
