My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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