So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
