I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
