I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My penis needs a shock collar
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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