thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
