THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
