Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
