i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
