the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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