I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
