Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize