So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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