She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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