Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Text me some of your sweat
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
