You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
