She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I want her autograph on my taint
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
