i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
