Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
