Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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