I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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