And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
