she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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