Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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