i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize