Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
