I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
