She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize