They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
