Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize