...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
