she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
