i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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