i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
