You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
