HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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