I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
