we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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