ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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