Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
