im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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