Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
