if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
