I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
