Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
