I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize