these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
