Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize