that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize