Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize