You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i think i have two assholes
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
