I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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