Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize