he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
