is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize