We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
