i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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