I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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