i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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