you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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