Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
