I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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