the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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