White coat. Heels.
actually, I'm a sock model
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
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