shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Someone signed my nipple.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
