do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
