I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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